Jerry Springer in Print Form?
I found this really weird thing and had to share with y'all:
MUM Debbie Graham was overjoyed when her long lost daughter Melissa turned up on her doorstep.
Bisexual Debbie, 39, was about to get "married" to the WOMAN of her dreams and now Melissa, the child she'd been forced to give up for adoption, would be there on the big day.
But in a bizarre twist, Debbie discovered her daughter was a little too eager to share in her happiness. Just eight months after the gay wedding, Melissa STOLE her mum's "wife" in a raunchy lesbian affair.
Blonde Debbie, who gave up her daughter for adoption when she was a baby, fumed: "Melissa is evil.
"She came to my wedding and wished me well. Then eight months later she slept with my wife and stole her from me. My long-lost daughter has ruined my life."
In an shockingly frank interview with The People, the embittered mum says she refuses to recognise Melissa, 24, as her child and refers to her as "my dead daughter".
Debbie told how Melissa...
BROKE her heart by sleeping with her lover, bus driver Karen Kitchen, 41.
TAUNTED her by passionately snogging Karen outside Debbie's bedroom window.
SENT her a sympathy card with the message "I've won, ha ha".
Debbie had given birth to Melissa when she was 15. Unable to cope, she handed over the baby for adoption and lost touch with her.
But when she was grown up, Melissa unexpectedly turned up on her mother's doorstep after tracing her through a family member.
"It was wonderful," said Debbie. "I'd never forgotten her and all of a sudden she was back in my life.
"Everything was going just right for me."
By this time, Debbie was living with Karen as a couple and the pair were so in love they decided to "marry" at Leeds Register Office in August 2004.
The occasion was actually a formal commitment ceremony, as it was conducted before the new civil partnerships were introduced.
But Debbie could not have been more ecstatic. To her, the official event meant more than her two previous marriages to men. "It was so perfect," recalled Debbie, of Raventhorpe, West Yorkshire.
"Melissa was at the wedding with my other children. I had a beautiful cream gown and Karen wore a cravat, suit and the full works.
"It was a fantastic day - I thought it would finally be happy ever after."
As if to underline they were now one big happy family, Melissa even began dating Karen's son, Ian.
But not long afterwards, Debbie started to see her daughter in a different light.
" She started making up lies about people, accusing them of things they hadn't done," alleged Debbie. "I realised then that she wasn't a nice person."
As Debbie's relationship with Melissa began to crumble, so cracks started to show in her new "marriage" to Karen.
She said: "Karen and I kept rowing. Eventually I asked her to leave for a few days to give me some space. We hadn't split up - this had happened before and we always made up.
"But two days later she sent me a text telling me to look out of my bedroom window.
"She was outside - kissing my daughter, Melissa."
The couple had been "wed" for just eight months. The betrayal hit Debbie hard... but there was worse to come. "The next thing I knew, they had been on holiday to Cyprus - where Karen and I had gone on honeymoon," said Debbie. "I got a text saying they were rubbing in each other's aftersun.
"That was bad enough, but I then got a text from Karen's phone saying 'Fake boobs weren't that bad'. Melissa had fake breasts.
"They were obviously sleeping together. I was devastated.
"Melissa had finished with Karen's son and now she was dating his mother - my wife."
If that wasn't enough, a card then landed on Debbie's doormat.
She said: "It was a sympathy card from Melissa. It read 'Sorry. You've lost everything - but I've won. Ha ha'. It was pure spite."
Despite the humiliation, Debbie hoped that Karen would see sense and return to her. But the saga of bitterness and betrayal took another unexpected turn.
Debbie said: "By this time it was August 2005 and Karen had the cheek to call and ask if I wanted to celebrate our first anniversary.
"She said she'd split with Melissa. We went on a date and I thought we were going to get back together - but she went back to Melissa again."
Debbie confronted Karen but gained little comfort.
"Karen said she fell for Melissa because she said all the right things. If it had been anybody else but my daughter I could have accepted it - but why her? I don't believe Melissa was interested in Karen - I think she did it purely out of spite to me. She's got a lot of evil inside her."
Debbie is the first to admit she has had a complicated love life. After giving birth to Melissa as a teenager, she went on to have a string of disastrous liaisons with men - leading to two failed marriages and seven more children besides Melissa.
But her life seemed to be on the up when she fell into a lesbian relationship with bus driver Karen.
The pair first set eyes on each other in a pub. Debbie recalled: "She was stunning - everything I'm attracted to. It was love at first sight. I didn't believe in that before, but it was."
Karen had the same feelings for Debbie and the pair embarked on a whirlwind romance.
"We couldn't get enough of each other," said Debbie. "I have always been unlucky in love, but I was convinced I'd finally found The One." Then, at around the time she was finding happiness with Karen in 1999, Melissa came back into her life.
Looking back Debbie explained: "When she was born, she was beautiful. But I never got to be with her. A few days after giving birth she was taken away.
"It broke my heart but I just wasn't prepared to look after her. I was already a carer for my mum who couldn't read or write. There was no way I could look after a baby as well.
"I used to think of her every day and I loved her so much even though I was never with her."
As for Karen, she has since split up with Melissa and is seeing another woman. Yet that is small comfort for Debbie. She is now planning to overturn the formal commitment she made to Karen in a bid to get her life back on track.
She said: "I'm just trying to slowly piece my life back together for my other children.
"I had never felt so betrayed. I believe my daughter did this to hurt me.
"I was so pleased when she first found me - but now she is dead to me."
Melissa admitted sleeping with Karen but said: "Her partner came to me. I shouldn't have done it though.
"When I was looking for my mum, I imagined I'd find a woman full of regrets and a woman who would welcome me with open arms. I didn't."
Karen said last night: "I don't want anything to do with Debbie or Melissa. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in public. I have a new partner."
'I don't think she felt anything for Karen, it was just to spite me'
'She texted me to look out the window where she was kissing Melissa'
I bolded my favorite parts.
True: there's no flashing, brawling, or cursing. No burly men coming out to "break it up". But otherwise ... I think I can hear, ever so faintly : "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
Another thing that cracks me up is how this is called an "EXCLUSIVE". I mean, of course it's an exclusive - do other newspapers and magazines actually print this stuff?
And finally, what's with the ALL-CAPS?